Hlane

As foretold, we visited Hlane over the weekend. It is Swaziland’s biggest game park with more life than ‘a tramp’s vest’ (thank you Stereophonics).

We had a terrific time. Although we are on the border of Swaziland, we have to take a circuitous route to get onto the nearest major road into the country. It took us 5 hours to get from Ingwavuma to the Hlane.

We were immediately charmed by the Swazis and their beautiful country. And we were also wowed by their superb roads system. Barely a pot hole to be seen. I got terribly excited about the smoothness. I found myself uttering phrases like ‘a positive pleasure to drive’. Self-revulsion soon kicked in, as I realised I was becoming hideously ‘Top Gearish’.

Given that we are likely to be visiting a number of game parks over the coming months, Mary and I have begun a ratings system. As it is in its infancy, we haven’t yet agreed on all the criteria or even a name. But we think it needs to be harsh for it to gain credibility.

Hlane: the positves

There were some excellent things about Hlane e.g. a restaurant right by a big lake that attracted hippos, rhinos and more. Our ensuite hut was also very tasteful. But...

Hlane: the negatives

On the downside, some idiots decided not long ago, that a major road should be built straight through the middle of the park. The result is that you can hear a faint motorway noise from most sections (think Wisley and the A3). This somewhat kills the sense of being in the bush. Secondly, the animals in the park have had to be divided into sections. The rhinos have been separated from the big cats. This is because of poachers (the park can now send round foot patrols). As a result it creates a bit of a zoo feel. Thirdly, the food did not hit the heights of Tembe. With great seriousness, I was able to lean over to Mary during dinner and pronounce that my impala steak was disappointing.

All told, we still had a great time. But still no leopard. Does anyone really sympathise with somebody that complains about his impala steak? I hope not.

Our return journey was memorable if only for the fact that I think I have worked out how to get our air conditioning system working. My breakthrough came at the end of our sweaty drive. I felt like the men at Bletchley Park after cracking the enigma code. (Their task was of course easy by comparison.) The irritation caused by the heat was only trumped by our lack of in car entertainment. We agreed that we need to buy some more CDs for the car. We have one album by a famous Zulu artist. Good as it is, we need a break from her. And we cannot tolerate any more of Durban’s East Coast Fm (station policy – ‘if it ain’t by Christina Aguillera, Atomic Kitten or Lady Gaga we don’t play it’).

PS – sadly rhino poaching in South Africa is still very prevalent and provides a real threat to the extinction of the species. SA has 80% of the world’s rhino population. They have approximately 40,000 rhino. The animals are being poached at a rate of more than 20 a month and the poachers are running ever more sophisticated operations. The rewards are massive. One large rhino horn is estimated to be worth 3 million rand (300,000 pounds). 3 million rand buys a nice house with pool and swimming court in Jo’burg.