We have just returned from a glorious two week holiday with Mary’s parents-in-law. In 14 days we visited Tembe Elephant Park, Kosi Bay, Kruger Park, the battlefields and the Drakensbergs. Having visited and written about most of these locations already, I’m not going to spend any time describing each one. Instead, I have a list of moments from the holiday:
Eating leaf for aphrodisiac – The power of a game ranger to make tourists do stupid things is immense. It is a trusting relationship. They decide where it is safe to get out the vehicle. They decide when an animal – or more precisely an elephant – is posing a threat to the vehicle. And they can even decide what bits of the bush to feed to their guests. In Tembe, we all showed ourselves happy to munch away on leaves supposedly used by local healers as aphrodisiacs. Well, either our guide picked the wrong tree or Zulu bodies behave very differently. For the rest of the evening, I had intense stomach cramps followed by running stomach. Needless to say Aphrodite (or Mary) wasn’t on my mind as I lent over the toilet seat.
Into the jaws of the lion – Some camps in wildlife parks are electrified. Others are not. Those which are often create a superficial sense of safety. Tembe’s camp is electrified. But the biggest elephant in the park knows how to trip the circuit without shocking himself. He did this during our first night and spent an hour of it terrorizing mum and dad’s tent. Those camps without electric fences are obviously open to all. These camps, especially if private, usually have lots of safety precautions about when and where guests are allowed to walk. All of these are fine if you have a sense of direction that allows you to navigate yourself from the bar to your room. But dad fell foul of the ‘toddler’ danger by heading off out of the camp in search of his room. Fortunately, he was saved by his watchful companions.
Can we go home now – Africa isn’t usually associated with cold. And rightly so. We have been hot for about 9 months of the time we have been in SA. However, early mornings and evenings in winter are not warm. They are even colder when doing game drives. We seemed to experience particularly cold nights for our evening game drives in Kruger. The result was that we ended up dressing like Eskimos – only allowing our eyes and nose to be visible. We also seemed to have particularly bad luck for two of the nights spotting animals. Thus we spent many hours driving round the bush, in pitch black, seeing only the Lesser Spotted Buggerall. We consoled ourselves with the comfort that at least we were providing some amusement for the animals.
More trees please – Most people visiting Kruger Park have greatest interested in seeing ‘the big 5’ and friends. As a result, the guides are attuned to finding them. They consider success or failure to be based on their ability to deliver. Unfortunately, some are less good when having to adjust their focus. In other words, they were not prepared for Roger Toulson. Daunted by the need to demonstrate some knowledge of flora and fauna, the less good guides hit upon a strategy – ‘it’s a pod mahogany’. In a devastating blow to the biodiversity of the park, all of the trees suddenly became one species.
Chemistry – What some of our game guides lacked in knowledge, they made up for in their wonderfully ill-judged remarks. One revealed that he had an only sister who was studying law. Poor thing, he commented, ‘Who would want to spend their life stuck with the head in legal books?’
Dangerous walks – We had a couple of stunning days walking in the Drakensbergs Mountains. The views were magnificent and the colours incredible. However, there was one small safety risk. State licensed arson. Winter is the burning season. Understandably, this is done to prevent devastating summer fires. All well and good. Except if your route happens to take you through the middle of a blaze. Our walk on the first day did just that. Arriving by the flames, we were greeted by some very friendly locals walking round with paraffin sprays on their backs. They cheerfully encouraged us to walk through the fire and carry on yomping. Being wimpish, and concerned by the swirling wind, we decided against.
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